Monday, May 18, 2009

My full post

Of course, you'll have to go here to read the questions.

@silver star: Hercules never overtakes the tortoise.
@cagrowngirl: Yes. And hypothetically, if not, I would move it a little to the left
@Mz.Starra: Tell that to Elmer Fudd.
@Princess MAR: Jack Bauer. He gets a lot done in one day.
@jblack designs: There are a number of elephants inside every tootsies roll pop.
@AVR: When I get back from claiming the Spanish National Lottery I will check out your blog.
@Flowersilky: Inboxes are Spam’s natural habitat.
@Dan Felstead: What profit a man if he sends the whole world an email, but loses his ISP?
@Patsy: You’re just looking for a quick fix.
@Faith: Travis. To remind neighbours to keep their noses out of my business (too soon?)
@TawanaB: How are you people getting past the word verification?
@Roderckdhu: No you hang up, pookie bear.
@septembermom: Because they are delicious.
@BlueEyedWonder: Men love to make decisions. We just hate having to guess which one is the right decision. Here’s an experiment: if you put your man up to making a decision, go with it, enthusiastically and encouragingly every time. You’ll see him very quickly develop a taste for it.
@Ryan Ashley Scott: Because they don’t want to be asked “Where should we eat?”
@Anonymous: ...most publishers prefer a named author.
@brianawr[b]ites: Pornanoia.
@cagrowngirl: And everyone would be shocked, shocked!, after 15 years when Princess mauled your neighbour.
@beckiwithani: Teenage boys don’t think about food. They move through the biosphere like baleen whales and if their maw gets filled then so be it.
@An Open Book: I don’t know, I can imagine quite a bit. Wait...
@pink and shimmer(r): If you lose blood from the other parts of your body for five days, you die.
@A Girl Named Me: The first part.
@2cats: The white returns to the clouds. The green gets soaked up into old sailors tattoos.
@Abigail Carter: Because I’m too lazy to write for the other 1439 minutes most days.
@Marc: Dogs also eat faeces. I wonder what kind of joy they want to share with us there.
@Insegredious: Because it was only $1 extra, which is actually cheaper than any two fixins
@patagoniantruthfish: Because you are AWESOME.

Q n D

Today's Writing Prompt: Q & A

Either ask a question (serious or silly), or answer a question written by a previous responder.

One-Minute Writings of the Day:
Writers: 2cats & tatagonianpruthfish

2cats asked, "What happens to the white when the snow melts, and what happens to the green when the trees turn color?"

tatagonianpruthfish responded, "The white returns to the clouds. The green gets soaked up into old sailors tattoos."

Sunday, May 17, 2009

My Twitterflock

This is the wordcloud generated by my small flock of twitter followers.

Have you a herd of twitter followers?

Of course I've a-heard of twitter followers. Have you a-heard of chickens?

Friday, May 15, 2009

Anonymous Coward For The Win!!

I'm not sure who is putting who on here, but I have picked up TWO writer of the day gongs for posting anonymously. Note: I posted anonymously because I was posting quotes with NO VALUE ADDED. At first I was all like, nah. But then it happened twice and I thought, yeah.

The environment suffers due to humanity's actions. Would Earth be better off had humans never appeared?

One-Minute Writing of the Day:
Writer: C. Montgomery Burns

Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese.

Congratulations, C. Montgomery Burns! I liked your take on this topic--funny, but also thought-provoking. Feel free to put a One-Minute Writer WINNER! button on your blog, if you have a blog! Also, please either comment here or e-mail me at cbethblog (at) gmail (dot) com if you don't mind me using your response in a possible future podcast.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Anatomy of a heart attack

This story opens at its climax, and it is very very short.
It starts with a sound and a stabbing pain:
A white flash, a catching of the breath. A half formed thought.
What is the difference between 21 and 42?
A heartbeat. A blink.
What is the anatomy of a heartbeat?
Systole, diastole. Ba...dump. In lock step. Heel on toe. Butter on bread.
What is the anatomy of a heart atack?
Blockage, death. Paralysis... necrosis.
I always thought there would be more. How many have I had?
Heartbeats in 21 years. Blinks in 42.
Time to self medicate. People save themselves all the time. Think.
There was a guy who saved himself...
He was trapped under a rock, halfway up a mountain. He cut off his own arm with a pen knife.
It took days.
There was another guy who saved himself...
He was choking. He gave himself a tracheotomy.
It took minutes.
How much time do I have?
Time to dial 1-1-...
Time to cut the vacuum cleaner cord and defibrillate myself?
A chamber opens. A void, a vacuum. Drawing in fluid.
Anatomy of blood: platelets, plasma, antibodies.
A chamber closes. Pressure, constriction. Forcing fluid out.
I felt this before. For years. I thought it was cramp, fatigue, poor posture, gastric ulcer.
Warning signs. The time it takes to save myself: I already had it. It's gone.
Six hundred and sixty two million. Two hundred and twenty million.

Friday, May 8, 2009


The sound of a discussion that never took place.

You used to think that everything I said was poetry.

The urge to write down what this is: it's incredible. I feel like this moment is going to be lost between us as we approach the car, the words seem to fall behind and tumble like Brownian particles in the puddles… it’s impossible to pick them apart from the raindrops.

Now the car has come between us and the moment remains outside, it chases us along the street for a time like a loyal dog.

The silence in the car is wrong, but neither of us can talk over the babble of radio advertising. Turning off the radio and on the windscreen wipers I hope to break the silence, not punctuate it.

Now the wipers squeak back and forth like the roller of some insane old typewriter and it gets harder and harder to fit in the words before it slides back to start the next line.

Ding….Ding…. Ding….Ding…. Ding….Ding…. Ding….Ding….New Paragraph…. Tab…. Ding….Ding….