Wednesday, November 23, 2011

mental. health mismanagement.

Two in two out is a baseline. Breathing is a deliberate act. Diaphragm is tight, footfall is light, less likelihood of stitch.
One day, everyone is beautiful. They smile. They have a purpose. And you notice all the weirdest things. The middle aged woman in the full length wool coat, pants suit, wearing fire engine red Converse Chuck Taylors. The young people that want to be taken seriously, the old people that simply don’t. What is the difference between people who walk up escalators and people who ride them, and how do we know to keep left? We used to just ride escalators, so from whence came the keep left (unless passing) rule?
The general practitioner looks to the general system. From the outside. The clue is in the name. They talk to you. They listen to your complaint. They make a value judgement: you are/are not a drug addict seeking medication. Then they make a clinical judgement: some part of you is broken. Below the surface. Literally subliminal. Geusstimation. Which specific fingers have been paralysed? Evidence. Quantitative surveying. Diagnosis: herniated disk, C6-7.
One in two out. That’s for a little bit of Go Faster. Or past the turnaround point. Or on the final third. Or a light incline.
Another day everyone is ugly. Acne scars. Obesity. Ill fitting insensible apparel. And it is not just skin deep. People are ugly on the inside. Insecure. Rancorous.
What changes? Something in the world. You are in the world. Something in you. Chemical levels. Agonists and antagonists. Receptors become saturated, synapses become exhausted. You can get it fixed, levelled out. Go and get your reuptakes selectively inhibited.
You can take a pill for this. Or go for a run. Or paint a picture. Or take a kicking. Whatever finds your lost remote.
It takes 7 months of mental health mismanagement to get an MRI. You don’t know what you missed and you can never get it back.
MRI reveals the specific system, from the inside. Fluid and goo that is made of you. A spacer. A worn shock absorber that is protruding its innards like a feeding mollusc, pressing tongue perversely into your CNS. Part of you touching you in strange places (hands, shoulders, knees and toes) from the inside of your neck. And the specialist practitioner, armed with this representation of the secret inner world, gives the diagnosis: herniated disk, C6-7. Luckily the treatment is the same, in either case. There is no treatment.
One in one out. This is a tempo or intensity increment. This is for hill climbs and stairs. Ten times. Then a two out. Then repeat. The two out on the tenth is for balance, it forces a swap of the out leg (three into two won’t go). Otherwise the out leg gets stronger. You end up running around in circles.

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