Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Self Help Abuse

I have a new plan. I am writing an anti self help book.
I'm going to do the chat show circuit, the whole bit, promulgating the new dialogue of defeatism. Seems like thinly veiled sarcasm, but I'm ominously sincere. “Oh, I’m living it”.
[opening talk show host preamble] – How did you come up with this idea?
Oh I always intended to write an anti-self-help book, and I never got around to it, you know? All that research, effort...
Well, I got to thinking that the market is saturated, you know, with success. Everyone is dieting, doing positive affirmations, exercising, slimming down, toning up, learning a second language on their iPod, blogging about their achievements. And for every one of us that is trying so god-damn hard the odds of any one of us actually succeeding is proportionately reduced… So I think what we need is for more people to… just fucking give up already.
[But who is it for?]
It really is for everybody. Even the successful people could take their foot off the throttle a little. Put on some weight, miss a few deadlines, forget a few contacts, fuck up a few million-dollar deals. Give the rest of us a chance. Look – we have some people on board already – George Lucas is revisioning his classic movies into shitty ones, there are the cover artists, reality television, the twentieth season of survivor, celebrity chefs…, it’s not like it can’t be done. Models of the runway. Television is really blazing a path into mediocrity and it’s taking millions upon millions of viewers with it.
But we need more – we need something to bring down the readers and the thinkers too. So, I figured, a book.

Right now I only have the chapter outline: Smoke, Drink, Do Drugs, Watch TV, Relax, Play MMORPGs, Play Farmville, Gamble, Do Clock Watching, Buy Gaming Consoles, Junk Food. I don’t know if it needs that much structure (reeks of planning and success), but we’ll see.

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